familiar terrain.

Are there “giants” that you have had to conquer multiple times in life? Have you ever felt like the battle field doesn’t end?

Maybe I am the ONLY one? J for some reason I don’t think so.

Something that I have noticed in my life over and over … and I HATE… is that I have such a tendency to depend or lean on people TOO much for aspects of my life that God should hold first place. 

God has walked me through this desert and around this mountain so many times in my life I get very frustrated (with myself) when I start to recognize the terrain. I think… “really Megan?? This AGAIN?!”

BUT can I tell you the love and the grace and the gentle strength that God displays to the depths of my heart as I present myself before Him so broken, so humbled, fully acknowledging my ENTIRE NEED of Him! There are not many things to “help comfort” my heart when I realize again that I have prostituted it out for something other than my One True Love.

But I read about men like Abraham and David and Peter… who all, in totally different ways, put other things or people before their God.

Abraham had a tainted love for the son that God promised him. David chose to love his fleshly desires more than His God’s all-fulfilling love. Peter chose to love people’s opinions of him more than standing bold in the face of opposition for the Man that gave him his very life.  

“hold life/things with open hands…” this idea that people throw around, like it’s an easy thing to do….  This sounds so good when people say it. I want to think that I DO that! But when I really search the depths of my heart and look into the dark shadows that still linger I see that I want to control… I want to have things MY way… I choose to love things and people before my full-submitting adoration, praise and LOVE for my Jesus. It’s an awful realization. Especially when I have “seen” this before and thought I conquered THAT giant! To the point where I have it tattooed on me… “First Love”… so that I would never have to feel this heart ache of realizing that I have let my God down again.

What I can say though… is that God never gets exacerbated by us.  He never thinks “come on already” angrily. His strength of love is displayed in GRACE. His heart envelops ours and He walks with us through the mud or desert or around the mountain however many times He has to UNTIL that one time… BAM… we “get it” and we find full FREEDOM! He wants us to learn how to trust HIS LEADING… so even as we are walking through the mud… if we follow HIM we will find hard ground faster.  If we are in a desert… as we follow Him, we’ll find that land of milk and honey. If it is a mountain that must be walked around… if we follow Him, we will see that we are going in circles and He will LEAD us to a straight and narrow path that leads us each to FULL freedom!

God never gives up on us. Never gets impatient with us. Never.