...like Isaiah...

There are BIG dreams that stir inside my heart. There have been many times when I live with a deep frustration when I am not SEEING them come to pass, now. (I am a little impatient :)) I think what I am learning and will learn is how to hold onto what God has said and the promises He has spoken and still live FULLY in the now. God is in every step of our adventure. He doesn't live only in the “future” because of the PROMISES we are holding onto. He lives in the now. He lives in my tomorrow also. He lives where we find ourselves, because He is committed to me… and to each stage of my journey.

I have this deep seeded desire to be a WORLD CHANGER. Not small. Like, BIG. I want to be someone who impacts the whole world. Leaves a legacy of Jesus behind me. Someone who inspires people to LIVE the dreams God entrusts to them. I want to be a person that sets the “tides” where I find myself. I don’t know if I have these dreams in my heart because of what I was exposed to as a youth, because of my amazing parents who always inspired me to live large, or because God truly has placed these desires in me for His purposes. And most possibly it is a combination of all of the above.

These dreams and desires will not happen quickly and do not happen suddenly.  What I realize is that this process of BEING the change will occur how God sees fit.   I think I have a fear that if I don’t SEE the dreams and promises happening right now… that I may grow dim or mediocre. THAT is something I could never consciously allow myself to do.  But it can creep in so subtly…

In church yesterday I was challenged about my heart for the body of Christ. Our pastor spoke about how we often live for and get passionate about things like movies, bands, trends etc. but we often do not get stirred up about the body of Christ, the church.  It’s not about doing more “things”. It’s not about performing more actions or functions. It’s about our heart.

What Christ did for us and what He commissioned us to do is more REAL than anything we will experience on this earth. His purposes are eternal and everlasting. Sure, we can get excited about a new “thing” that is happening, that is not bad. But the question that lingers in my heart is: is my heart longing for and desiring to see the GREAT THINGS of God displayed in His Bride… AND how am I participating with Him to accomplish those GREAT THINGS?

Where has the unyielding devotion for Kingdom ways gone? What has happened to those people who would be willing to stand against the grain and BE Christ to people?

I am not talking about becoming so super spiritual you are unreachable and out of touch with reality! I am just challenging myself about my heart’s focus and passions. I want to LIVE out those dreams that stir the deepest part of my heart that I mentioned earlier… and to do that I need to become someone who can do that. Someone sold out. Someone willing like Isaiah…

“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?’ And I said, ‘Here I am. Send me.’” Isaiah 6:8

30

Today I turn 30. I don’t feel old. I don’t FEEL 30. I remember thinking that 30 was SO old when I was younger.

I’m contemplating the last decade of my life.

It is utterly different than I ever could have imagined it would be.  When I was 20 I had dreams and I had ideas about how my life would turn out. And I can say that it is really not anything like that idea I had in my mind.

What I do know though, is that it has been BETTER than I could have planned for myself. 

I humbly reminisce the last 10 years… some of the things I have been able to do….

Graduated from University with a degree in Psychology.

Lived in 3 countries.

Experienced loneliness.

Gotten to know my own determined strength.

Begun a career as a high school teacher.

River rafted down the Grand Canyon.

Traveled to 11 countries or so.

Experienced deep joy and satisfaction.

Gone skydiving.

Assisted in leading youth groups around the world.

Been restored and healed.

Gotten to know God’s SUPERNATURAL provision out of nothing.

Fallen in love.

Seen desperation in the eyes of impoverished people.

Had minor surgeries. 

Started (still in process) of getting my Master’s in Psychology.

Gotten 4 tattoos (and more to come).

Gained friends around the world that have changed me and altered my life forever.

Done “big” work and done very small menial tasks.

Impacted those I have had the chance to know.

Died my hair with multiple colors, grown it out, cut it short and repeated that. 

Learned cultures that are not my own.

Rode horseback through the rural country in Mongolia with the nomads.

Obeyed God as best as I could.

Sitting here and thinking of all these things and listing them is NOT out of arrogance or boasting! It is actually SO incredibly humbling to realize how God can ONLY get the glory for my life. When I was 20 years old I had such a small view of what God could do and what His heart for me was. I imagined a very boring and mediocre life for myself. I have been amazed and thrilled at the adventure that God has taken me on! I would not change one minute of anything that has happened to me. I have experienced difficult and challenging things and I have had the privilege of living in the complete and beautiful abundance of life! The difficult moments have shaped me and the abundant times have deepened me. 

When I dream of what the future holds I cannot even begin to see it.  I have this sense in my heart that “the best is yet to come” and that is exciting!

What I know of Jesus is that He never disappoints or lessens who we are. A scripture that has been a defining theme for me over the years is 

Psalm 84:5-8…

Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
    whose hearts are set on pilgrimage.
 As they pass through the Valley of Baka (tears or pain),
    they make it a place of springs;
    the autumn rains also cover it with pools.
 They go from STRENGTH TO STRENGTH,
    till each appears before God in Zion

This scripture gives me hope that the next decade of my life will be even greater than the last! It will look different, take on a different shape and form BUT it will be a strengthening and it will be a progressive adventure!

I have big dreams. I have seen God fulfill and surpass my dreams in ways I NEVER would have imagined!! So I can now go wild in my dreaming! Ephesians 3:20 “…to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine…”! He is not intimidated by my big dreams, because I believe His dreams for me and what He has for me will go even further and be even greater than my craziest imaginations.

I never want to limit what God can do and what He wants to do in me and through me! I want to fulfill ALL that He has for me… this requires sacrifice and it requires obedience… but those are easy when I have my eyes FIXED on Jesus! Fixing my eyes on Him is the key… that’s not always easy.

I want to not look at the storms that may rise around me as I am walking on water… I want to be SO sure and SO confident in His voice that I will step out of any boat I am in so that I can feel His power working through me.  (Matthew 14:22-33)

So may this next decade reflect Jesus’ heart for me and may I live FULLY never minimizing what God’s dreams are for me! 

The Journey

a journey of 1000 steps

to begin is tough

to continue sometimes harder

to end never comes.

our lives comprised of steps

different directions

different paces at certain times

but one, then the next

to keep my eyes set

to remember my goal

He is my urging

He is my end

there's always more

He promises good to me

a Fatherly love abounding

taking my hand

freedom to choose

faith to empower

His Spirit to direct

His love to cover

A journey of 1000 steps

taken one after another

He being for me,

I live in this journey.

Just Be.

I love that we are able to SEE God in other people. I feel like there have been so many moments in my life when I have come to understand, know and see God different because of a simple conversation with someone. Someone is able to say a few words and the most profound supernatural thing happens in my heart.

Have you ever experienced that?

I feel like if we are longing to hear God, hungry to see Him, and looking for Him in our lives He will reveal Himself through many and any manner possible.  I have the absolute privilege of being surrounded by people who reveal God’s heart to me. People who show me a different aspect of God that maybe I had never seen before, or I just need a reminder of.

In the last few weeks this has happened to me several times. And I can probably safely say that the other person had no idea what was going on in the inside of my heart in these moments. They weren’t trying to be super spiritual, they weren’t trying to be deep and profound, they were actually just loving me and in that they revealed God to me.

So this is a challenge I am now able to undertake. I want to be that for people. I don’t want to strive for that, that would totally defeat the whole purpose. But as always, my deepest desire is to make an impact on every person I come into contact with. So with that deepest desire, I get to show people Christ.

I want to live a life that is a reflection of His heart. I want to know His heart so that I CAN be that.

Therefore I ask you, have you been impacted by a simple conversation? Have you been totally humbled in the moment of receiving encouragement from someone? Feeling so undeserving of this, but in that very moment realizing that we don’t deserve the unhindered love of God, BUT He lavishes us with it anyways! We as people have the beautiful and rich opportunity to change lives, mighted by the power of God. We don’t have to TRY to do it, as we love Jesus… HE DOES IT through us!!

I feel like we hinder ourselves from being used fully. I don’t know why. I am sure that everyone has different reasons, and different insecurities that hinder this. But I think we should try. Try to be Jesus intentionally and naturally, not striving, just being. I don’t really know what that fully means… but I know it is a good reminder of the massive opportunities I have every day.

Whose?

No price tag.

Not for sale or to be bartered for.

I have been bought.

Bought with a price too high…

Redeemed by blood.

I am His.

The King of Kings' chosen.

Welcomed, invited and desired.

This is love expressed.

To be the apple of His eye.

I make Him smile.

He’s in love, passionate about me.

To know this is...

Life-changing,

Eternity altering,

Focus shifting,

And heart gripping.

Not always knowing how I am to respond,

I am stirred, humbled.

Longing, craving for more.

Convinced He would battle for my heart.

Confident in His affection.

Sure of His adoration.

Because…

I have been purchased

By a price beyond measure.

Always and forever to be the apple of His eye.

Life. To. The. Full.

John 10:10

“The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

When I think about how much I hate satan my blood starts to boil.

His ways and his tactics are futile in the end, but he is vicious in his attack and SO subtle. He convinces us that his way is better because maybe it may “appear” to be fulfilling or satisfying… and the whole time he knows that he has plans to destroy every aspect of who I am and finally to sever my trust and love for Jesus. BUT he will not be successful.

The plan begins by small things… and then it turns into a slippery slope of destruction. Jesus warns us that satan’s only idea and desire is STEAL, KILL, and DESTROY us. That is his entire intent. I have seen his attack multiple times in my own life and the life of others around me. I get so angry when I realize that he had even the slightest victory. I never want to allow satan to have ANY ground in my life.

But how do we know when he is doing is disgusting subtle attack before it is too late?

I believe that Jesus gives me the answer through this whole passage of scripture in John 10, but He hones in on the answer in the second portion of this verse. Jesus says that “He came to give life and life to the FULL”. So a good test to see whether a decision, an action, an attitude or a thought is of Jesus or of satan… is to ask… is there FULLNESS OF LIFE in this choice. Will this bring me closer to my savior or will I grow and change to be more like Him, because of it. This question seems so intense… but I believe that if we are going to combat satan in his sick and disgusting plans to rob, kill and destroy us we must be alert at all times to his intention. 

And what a beautiful promise we have in this verse. Jesus ONLY has life for us… not just mundane normal ordinary life… He has LIFE TO THE FULL!! I don’t know if I totally understand that concept.

I try to live my life fully… never settling for second best, never being willing to compromise what God has spoken to me, and never allowing my humanness or people’s opinions to minimize what God has for me.  I want to be able to look back as an old woman, or whenever God decides it’s my time to go Home, and think “wow… I truly pointed people to Jesus and reflected the FULL life He desired”.  

If I were to try to describe what I imagine it feels like to live in the FULLNESS of God… words would not be adequate and I am not sure I can imagine accurately… but to attempt would sound something like this…

The valleys are seen as times of shade instead of times of desolation.

There is peace that surrounds me.

There is a sense of Him in all aspects and in all ways.

The will to push on is covered in His grace.

The feeling of His strong hand holding mine as I look into the face of giants.

The gentle wind of His Spirit kissing my cheek as I stand on the mountain tops.

The fragrance of His presence as I step into each day.

The difficult moments being the most intimate exchanges with Him.

A deep longing for more of Him grips me and directs me.

The unknown creates curiosity instead of fear.

There is a confidence not in myself but in the One that is more than faithful.

A true revelation of the Alpha and the Omega.

A passionate cry from the depth of me to live for something bigger than I can accomplish on my own.

A purpose that is for others, completely.

There is a joy that invades even the worst trials.

Take Heart!

“I have told you these things so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have troubles. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

What does Jesus mean when He says “in Me…” I have wondered about that. I have a concept in my head and heart about it that I struggle to put into words.

I sort of imagine like following the shade. I am a red head and I burn easily… so I am very familiar with this action. When it is hot outside, like really hot… not just a “oh what a beautiful sunny day”… I long for shade. And if I am in a chair or just standing in the shade I find myself shifting as the sun shifts so that I remain in the shade. Maybe if you’re blessed with tan or beautiful dark skin you do not fully understand the NEED for shade from the scorching sun at times. But this picture of an oasis in the midst of heat is powerful.

In this verse Jesus is not “candy-coating” anything! He is brutally honest. He tells us that being in this world is hard, it’s a challenge. We will face situations and circumstances that are difficult and disheartening. I know that I have faced situations and circumstances that I would love to have not gone through, but nonetheless I survived and most times thrived at the other end of those trials. And if I think back I know why I did not crumble… I know why I stood up under the difficulty.

Jesus.

That is the answer. So simple.

Jesus tells us the way to get through the difficulty… AND He tells us the end result!! How amazing of Him… It is like He totally just “cheated on the test!” He gave us the answer!

He says the way we get through it is to remain IN HIM. Like the picture of the shifting to remain in the shade. I need to remain in His shade… practically (cause I’m a very practical person) that would mean for me to be seeking Him for answers, for grace, for my sustenance during difficulty. This would mean that He is the One that I cling to and NOT push away from. I would spend time with Him, I would praise Him even when I do not feel like it, and maybe I would even declare His victory into the specific situations I am facing. The amazing thing I have come to realize is that God will bring me through tough things… and SO THAT I am able to walk with others through similar things. Nothing we go through is in vain. Nothing. It’s also a powerful thing that He promises us PEACE in the midst of difficulty. He says that as we are IN HIM we WILL have peace. Peace is a sustainer like few other things on this earth. If our souls are at peace most things are bearable.

Jesus shows us the way… AND He tells us the end! HE WINS!!

No matter what you are fighting through, and I am sure some people are facing things I could not handle, what I DO know is that Jesus has WON! He is the victor!!  

The phrase “take heart” is not used today… but what I understand it to mean is…

Be encouraged!

Keep strong!

WE can do it together!

Don’t give up!

And any combination of the above.

So if you are in the midst of some things that need His victory… TAKE HEART… He has won the victory! And in the midst of the continuing onslaught of difficulty… there IS PEACE for you! Find Him. Find His heart. Tap into HIS strength… that is where the “sweet spot” of His peace is. He is never far. He strength is ALWAYS accessible.

Open Invitation

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matt 11:28-30

Have you ever had a friend whose house was truly “open”? Like you could stop by anytime, any day. An open invitation. These sort of homes people are drawn to. We feel totally accepted and not even just that, but we feel wanted. These are the sort of friends that we all long for. In the scripture in Matthew I feel like Jesus is extending a true “open invitation” when He says “Come to Me…”. He invites us to come to Him and I would add in there (anytime, any day!)  

The next part of this scripture describes our state. The weary and burdened. I know that when I feel overwhelmed my first reaction is not always to run to Jesus, I want it to be that, but it’s not always. I feel like I initially try to manage and handle life with my own logic and understanding before… THEN when I REALLY can’t do it that’s when I run to Jesus. I hate that this is my natural reaction to a heavy and burdened heart. Jesus is so honest and He desires us. He wants to be the One to be our REST. When I cannot handle life and the difficulties or burdens I am carrying HE is just waiting for me to come over to His house and hang out with Him so I can feel HIS rest. He knows His house is comfortable and warm and the fridge is always full!   

One thing that I have felt God speak to me time and time again is that He wants to teach me Himself. He wants me to learn from Him directly. I do not have to depend on other people’s understanding or logic but He wants to be my personal tutor! Other people have incredible value and amazing perspective, but ultimately they are not God. So I utilize the wise people in my life and gain from there insight. BUT God is the One who brings change and true heart and soul lessons. Too often we place man’s thoughts as gold without ever consulting God.

God’s beautiful promise in these verses is mind blowing. Life changing. He tells us that if we come to Him, learn from Him and really just seek Him… we will find rest for our souls. This sort of rest is not just a good nap and feeling energized; it is a deep inner rest and peace that can only be brought by Christ’s kingship in our lives. With this sort of inner rest, God can speak; God can manage and carry our burdens for us. When we have “unrest” in our souls we just scrounge for scraps and struggle to keep our head above water. God never wants us JUST to exist, He was us to LIVE. And living can be very difficult without accepting that open invitation to come to Him. 

perspective.

The ocean. 

It does something to the depth of my soul. I am in awe. Not in awe of the expanse, not in awe of the power, but in complete and utter awe of the One that made and designed the ocean.

When I stare into the vast stretch of the ocean I am taken away into a place that I do not know yet. I am reminded of an eternity that far outweighs this life. I am reminded of how small and seemingly insignificant I am. There is a book called Blue Like Jazz. (Probably one of my top 3 favourite books ever) and in this book, Donald Miller describes how we cannot and should not lose our “awe worship factor” of God. He specifically has created the world in such a way that keeps us wondering about Him. I never want to fully understand this world, the people and the intricacies of how it all functions so perfectly and precisely. Cause as soon as I understand, I won’t need God. And I want to be like a shoe that is created and formed perfectly by the expert craftsman. The shoe should never understand how it was made, there will never be the “on-the-same-level” relationship that so many people want to have with God.

I want to remain in awe. I want to continue to worship Him in the small and massive details of creation.

So in my smallness it does not make me feel purposeless or worthless, it actually does quite the opposite. I look off into the distance of the ocean that seems to have infinite length, and I realize that I am small. BUT there is the most beautiful, personal and intimate relationship to experience with the One that made that ocean, that made me and all the finite details of who I am. He longs for me. He designed influential plans for me. It is a wonder in itself that He is too big for me to comprehend and yet so personal to each one without partiality.

The ocean does something to my perspective, to the depth of my soul. 

Perfect.

He loves me perfectly. He is impeccable. He is purest of pure. He is the creator of the Universe. 

And HE loves me. 

He loves me when I make stupid mistakes. 

He loves me when I know what I “should” do and don’t do it. 

He loves me when I do the “right” thing with the wrong motive. 

He loves me when I worship Him and when I live a life that reflects Him. 

The most amazing thing about the love that God has for me is that it can’t grow and it can’t diminish. He loves me so much that there isn't even anymore love to have. He loved me the day He created the world. He loved me when HIS very own son was chosen to take MY place in receiving judgment for the ugliness that is inside of me. 

I know He loves me because I feel Him. 

I do not feel guilt or condemnation when I return to Him after making some bad decisions. It’s like He just stands there waiting for me with a quirky smile on His face longing to just embrace me again. 

And when I experience that crazy passionate love from God the whole world seems to grow dim. He becomes a drug to me… all I want and all I need.

God’s love for me woos the depths of my heart to stand in awe of Him. This whole thing is an experience to be had more than a process to understand. He comes in the most gentle and yet most zealous way and speaks to the very core of me words of life and destiny and hope and purpose.

I am amazed that I can feel so free in the love of God. There is a safe place for me to rest. His heart protects mine. So people can say what they may and do as they please but the unshakable foundation with which my heart rests is in God’s own love for me.  

familiar terrain.

Are there “giants” that you have had to conquer multiple times in life? Have you ever felt like the battle field doesn’t end?

Maybe I am the ONLY one? J for some reason I don’t think so.

Something that I have noticed in my life over and over … and I HATE… is that I have such a tendency to depend or lean on people TOO much for aspects of my life that God should hold first place. 

God has walked me through this desert and around this mountain so many times in my life I get very frustrated (with myself) when I start to recognize the terrain. I think… “really Megan?? This AGAIN?!”

BUT can I tell you the love and the grace and the gentle strength that God displays to the depths of my heart as I present myself before Him so broken, so humbled, fully acknowledging my ENTIRE NEED of Him! There are not many things to “help comfort” my heart when I realize again that I have prostituted it out for something other than my One True Love.

But I read about men like Abraham and David and Peter… who all, in totally different ways, put other things or people before their God.

Abraham had a tainted love for the son that God promised him. David chose to love his fleshly desires more than His God’s all-fulfilling love. Peter chose to love people’s opinions of him more than standing bold in the face of opposition for the Man that gave him his very life.  

“hold life/things with open hands…” this idea that people throw around, like it’s an easy thing to do….  This sounds so good when people say it. I want to think that I DO that! But when I really search the depths of my heart and look into the dark shadows that still linger I see that I want to control… I want to have things MY way… I choose to love things and people before my full-submitting adoration, praise and LOVE for my Jesus. It’s an awful realization. Especially when I have “seen” this before and thought I conquered THAT giant! To the point where I have it tattooed on me… “First Love”… so that I would never have to feel this heart ache of realizing that I have let my God down again.

What I can say though… is that God never gets exacerbated by us.  He never thinks “come on already” angrily. His strength of love is displayed in GRACE. His heart envelops ours and He walks with us through the mud or desert or around the mountain however many times He has to UNTIL that one time… BAM… we “get it” and we find full FREEDOM! He wants us to learn how to trust HIS LEADING… so even as we are walking through the mud… if we follow HIM we will find hard ground faster.  If we are in a desert… as we follow Him, we’ll find that land of milk and honey. If it is a mountain that must be walked around… if we follow Him, we will see that we are going in circles and He will LEAD us to a straight and narrow path that leads us each to FULL freedom!

God never gives up on us. Never gets impatient with us. Never.  

Adventure...

When God takes us on an adventure. Sometimes this happens literally and sometimes it happens as an adventure of the heart, while we explore the depths of God.

Either way, He is the author. He is the One with answers. He is the One who knows the way.

Adventure is something that people talk about and have romantic ideals about, but when it comes to actually endeavoring to step out of the boat and comforts of our lives, there is hesitation, there is fear.

I want the story of my life to be read as an adventure novel. I want to be known as a woman who did not hesitate when God spoke. God is talking all the time to us; sharing His heart, speaking Truth and Wisdom.

The essence of an adventure is that there is so much that is unknown. If the map was clear and the way was marked that would be nothing of an adventure. The risk, the discomfort, the struggle that is what marks the adventure as something more than just a casual walk in the park.

I believe that there is an adventure in God for any person who chooses to seek it. I believe that God longs for us to be in the midst of things that are unknown and kind of scary; for that is when our souls CLING to Him.

The questions I ask myself are:

Am I willing to do whatever I hear God require of me?

Am I able to let go of anything that He asks me to let go of?

Am I unwilling to settle for anything less than what He has for me?

How far am I willing to go and how extreme am I willing to be for the One that did it ALL for me? 

The Throne

It’s a beautiful thing when I realize freshly that God is the same… yesterday, today and FOREVER. This is a simple truth that I often look past or don’t fully grasp! The God who MADE the Universe is the same God that I get to speak to. He’s the same God who knit me together in my mother’s womb and He is the God who heals the sick and raises the dead. He’s the same God who told Peter to walk to Him on the sea, and He is the same God who overwhelms me in moments to the point of tears. He’s the same God who named the stars and separated the Red Sea when Moses raised his staff. That SAME God guides and directs and counsels me. He’s the same God who designed laughter and colored in the butterfly. He’s the same God who loves me so much to make a way to be with me forever.

When I contemplate the vast array of WHO God is… I wonder why I would question. I wonder why I would doubt. I wonder why I would ever consider Him unable or inadequate in comparison to the menial things I am going through.

We often consider the “Promises of God” to be the ultimate. I have to say that the promises of God are VERY important and they are treasures that He entrusts us with! BUT there is sometimes a fine line of trusting in the “promise” more than trusting in the PROMISER.

Abraham was tested in this. God asked him to kill the son that God Himself had promised to him. I can imagine Abraham was very confused and did not understand why God would ever ask him to destroy the very center of God’s promise to him. But what God knew (because HE sees our hearts) was that Abraham was loving the fulfillment of the promise more than the One who was faithful in fulfilling it.

It is a fine line.

I believe that God wants us to FULLY enjoy each and every moment of life on this planet AND to receive and celebrate and soak in the GIFTS of promise He entrusts to us.

The fine line comes when we begin to drift our gaze toward the gift rather than the giver.

God’s love is jealous for me. He wants to have the SOLE occupancy of the throne in my heart. 

Surrender

The idea of surrender is usually associated with weakness. BUT I know someone who allowed their surrender to be their greatest strength.

Jesus.

He surrendered HIS WILL for the perfect will of His Father. He knew it would be difficult, He knew what was waiting for Him, and we get to have a glimpse of His heart that longed for nothing less than FULL surrender to His Father.

Probably the most life changing, eternity altering and beautiful words ever spoken are found in Luke 22:42 “…Yet not my will, but Yours be done.”

These words echoed in the halls of Heaven on that devastating yet glorious day. Jesus chose to surrender. Let go of His will and His desire to be safe. He laid down His fleshly longing to protect Himself.

Why? Why would a man choose to surrender, especially when He knew the pain and anguish that awaited Him? I don’t know many, if any, men that would do what Jesus did that day.

But I know why Jesus did it.

He did it for me. He did it for you. He chose to surrender Himself fully so that each person had the privilege and opportunity to be loved and completely accepted by God the Father.

The BEST part of the story though is not JUST that He did surrender, that was just the beginning of what Jesus did. He endured. He remained silent and took beating after beating. He pushed through and continued to surrender Himself over and over again that day.

I have to say the BEST part of this story of surrender is that Jesus defeated, ruined, and destroyed any power that satan ever had and ever would try to have again. In His surrender He actually was fighting a battle that at the time no one understood. But three days later a small glimpse of understanding came to the people Jesus knew, when He was alive AGAIN. He rose and showed that surrender is NOT weakness… surrender to God’s perfect will is ALWAYS a strength and will ALWAYS end in victory.

Today there are very few instances that could or ever would even come close to comparing to what Jesus had to endure because of His surrender.

There are things though in our lives that God is asking us to surrender to His will in. It’s never an easy decision, Jesus sweat blood while making His decision, but what we can see from Jesus’ story is that surrender to God’s Will is always surrendering to receive more.

So will you say…. “Not MY will, but Yours be done…” ?? 

His Dream....

I am sitting here in the middle of a thunder storm out in the wild bush. There is a roar that is echoing in this place with the voice of mighty thunder. I sense the roar of God’s voice coming to me in the most beautiful, powerful and gentle way imaginable.

He speaks to me about His love, His hands, His heart for people and for me. His ability to lead me and stir in me a desire for Him is something I am astounded by. He is faithful to His promises. He is gracious to pursue me beyond anything I do or don’t do. He is constant and stable. He is more than I could dream up or conceive.

Hunger for Him often overwhelms me and I feel so unsatisfied with everything I have experienced and am experiencing. I want all of God.

This morning a friend asked me… 

Wouldn’t you like to REALLY see what God saw for you when He created you? 

Wow. That put a deeper hunger in me for more of Him.

God what did you see what you imagined me?

Am I living it? 

Am I fulfilling what you dreamt up for me?

Father all I love to do is please Your heart. I want to live a life that is satisfying, not me focused but satisfying to my soul. When my soul is fully satisfied I am fulfilling my life as God dreamt it. I was made to be united with Him. I was made to have intimacy with Him. 

Consumed.

When we say ALL I WANT IS GOD…. do we mean it? Or is just some good thing to say?

Have you ever thought about what that REALLY insinuates? What you are truly saying?

There is a word that is fascinating to me. “consumed”. This word rings true in my heart of how I want to describe myself when think of the Spirit of God. I want to be “consumed” by Him.

But when I sit here and think about life and the things that I prioritize, think about, and just DO in my daily life, I wonder IF that is the deepest desire I have.

The Word says… where your heart is there your treasure will be also.

My “treasures”… meaning… my time, my energy, my thoughts, my money, really anything of any value to me. So where do I invest these? Where do I focus most of myself?

I think of the idea and the notion of God being my deepest desire. The desire to be utterly “consumed” by Him alone. The desire to love HIM above any other person or thing on this earth. The desire to be willing to be a fool for HIM if that is what He requires.

I can honestly say that I WANT that desire to be the MOST powerful thing in the depth of me.

So when I say ALL I WANT IS GOD… that is more of a goal for me, my aim, my direction. I am imperfect in too many ways to be fully honest in saying that HE IS my only desire. I want Him to be. And THAT is true. So I guess in some roundabout way He is then.

But I want to be expended for Him. I want to want Him more than ANY other.

To be consumed.

To be taken away with Him.

To be glued to and in AWE of the sound of His voice.

To be smitten over Him and His heart.

To be ruined for anything less than the reality of who He is to be revealed to me.

To be soaked in His presence.

To be THIRSTY for His embrace.

To be desperate for HIM.

To be full of hope and passionate for His Kingdom to come.

To be carried by His ways.

To be consumed. 

lower your nets

What are some of the “things” that would hinder us from obeying God fully?

I know that some of my hindrances may be fear of looking stupid, fear of the unknown results, my own self-doubt, or maybe even the lies other people have spoken over me. It’s a tough balance to have the deepest desire of my heart be to OBEY God at all costs and to also weigh up my own selfish desires and ideas.

I don’t want to keep them in balance actually. I want to be SOLD OUT. 

There is a scripture in Luke 5:5 where Simon is speaking with Jesus. Basically the short version of the story is these expert fishermen had been fishing and casting their nets the entire night with absolute minimal success. Then Jesus, a carpenter, comes to them and says that they should go out into the deep water and lower their nets for a catch. Simon’s response here is the most honest and beautiful depiction of surrender. He says, “Master we have worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. BUT BECAUSE YOU SAY SO, I will let down the nets.” Simon did not understand the logic or the reasoning behind this, BUT he was willing to obey. I can imagine him almost shaking his head not believing fully or doubting the words Jesus spoke, BUT he did it. He let go of his pride and own way of doing things and JUST FOLLOWED, just obeyed.

What areas in your life is God asking you to “lower your nets”? Maybe you are trying to do things in your own logic and understanding and God is trying to help you SEE that He is the One who knows best. Or maybe you are struggling with stepping out in faith for a big “gift” God has for you, and He is waiting with anticipation for you to just obey and do it!

I don’t know where you are at, but I can imagine that God is asking you in at least one area of your life to “lower your net”. I know He is asking me. To trust Him for something BIG, something better, and something that is OF HIM. Will you be like Simon and have your response be “but because You say so…”?

There is a risk when we obey God. But the beautiful thing about the heart of God is that every good and PEFECT gift comes from Him, who never changes. (James 1:17)

desert times...

Its s crazy thing sometimes when we look back at the tracks we have made in the sand of the desert we have just crossed. The tracks are normally quite deep and worn in… as we do not always come victoriously through the desert instantly. I know as I look back on the different times in my life I have felt the scorching sun beating and the hot winds blowing while I thirsted for something deeper and something greater than I had experienced before.

God leads us through some of the driest and darkest times of life… not so we suffer and not so we “learn our lesson” like a parent scalding their child. But so that we rely on Him. And more times than not it is ME who walks toward the desert, and it is Him who doesn’t leave me to walk it alone. It’s an amazing gift that He gives me. His very presence and His very self. It’s precious. It’s undeserved.

As I look back on the year I just lived I realize that I have walked through a few deserts. Difficult times. Not impossible, because here I am, but difficult.

Why do we so often choose to remain in a place of drought instead of trusting Jesus fully? It seems so much simpler to believe Him at His word, but we choose to take the tough road. Or shall I say, I choose the tough road. I want to be able to take lessons I have learned and apply them to each new circumstance in life.

Walking into His greatness is the most overwhelming beautiful experience to be had. He completely consumes my fears, He erases my doubts and He brings a peace that is indescribable. Even in the midst of the desert I can sense Him, feel Him. He promises to be the pillar of fire by night and the cloud by day, so we can follow Him. So I can follow Him.

Joshua 1:5b-7 “… as I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them.”

So I sit here and wonder, what deserts am I choosing? What areas of life am I electing to take the hard route?

There is a set of movies called Nooma. These dvd’s are inspiring, deeply powerful and so concise in describing incredible truths of God. There is one called “Storm”. This depicts a Father and Son going on a walk through a forest in the middle of a storm. The narrator of this dvd is the Father. He describes how his opportunity to hold his son as they made their way through the rain and storm was one of his most privileged and intimate moments with his son. He would never take it back.

There are so many times when I am walking through a storm of life and I begin to ask God, Why? And I begin to wonder if God cares for me. To question His love. I do not ever want to do that. God sees the opportunity to hold me CLOSE to His chest as a privilege and a great experience.

All we need is God’s heart beat pressed against ours in order to know that we WILL make it through.

The most remarkable fact of God is that He doesn’t allow us to walk through a desert or endure through a storm for nothing. He brings fruit, abundance and blessing after. When God takes away He always returns more, and when God endures with us He always rewards us with Himself. 

More than this...

I am sitting listening to the heart of a man who has found his passion. He dreams out of the box, he dreams bigger than he sees as possible. He has walked a long road, seen disappointment and felt heart ache and betrayal. And now he dreams. Now he longs for something else. The deepest cry in his heart is, ‘there’s gotta be more than this.”

Why is it that we so easily give up our passion and settle to do something that only pays the bills. Where is the adventure? Where is the willingness to fight for what we love?

The generation before was safe, and I fear that our generation is going to slip into the same obscurity. How do we stir up a gut-wrenching cry to fight for the big, the challenging, and the beautiful adventure that God has destined for us.

I long to be a woman that is known for living on the edge. I do not know where that desire will take me, but I do know that I am eager to see it, and utterly unwilling to relent to anything less than what God has for me.

My adventure cannot and will not ever be compared to another. For me, the adventure God has destined is unique. It’s something handcrafted and calculated just for me. What is an adventure for me may be a normal and mundane life for another, and what is mundane for me may be a total thrilling life for another.

All I know is that I want to do what is a passion for me. My desire is to be used by God, to impact lives, and to see God glorified. I know what God has put inside of me. I know what He has planted into my heart and until that very thing bears fruit I feel as though I am not fully living.

Not everyone understands, but everyone feels it when you’re stuck in a “job” and when you’re doing a menial task each day just to get the pay check at the end of the month; and hating each moment of it. You feel like a part of your heart has died. You feel like a piece of you is missing. Maybe you have never tasted true satisfaction from having the privilege of performing your passion everyday… maybe you have not been able to sacrifice money because there is too many other factors of responsibility involved. But I long to challenge that. I say, ask God for what HE has for you…  ask Him where HE sees you. And if you follow HIS leading, no sacrifice of things here and now will every lead you to lack. God always returns more and abundantly when we are willing to walk on water for HIM.

So my question remains, how do we live for more than this? 

Let's take a walk...

1John 1:17 “the world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.”

This life is fleeting.

I sit here with this question resonating in my heart… What are we really living for?

I want to live for the will of MY Jesus! I want to be someone who at the end of my life, whenever that may come, is known as someone who lived sold out, flat out and fully for God. I want to risk. I want to step out of boat and walk on water, not just once as a cool story of what happened to me back in the day, but as a very normal activity of my life.

There is a scripture in the beginning of Matthew where Jesus picks his disciples. I can imagine that this was a pretty crucial decision and massive moment in the history of the world and for the rest of eternity, really. The first scripture in that day was one that describes Jesus’ actions. What impresses me and actually makes me stand in awe is where in Matthew 4:18 it says, “As Jesus was walking beside the sea…” I can fancy this being a normal activity for Jesus, he probably walked there often. But this day was different. He had an urgency in His Spirit, He knew God wanted to do something big.

There is a phrase that I have heard many times, and I strive to be just this… Naturally Supernatural.  Jesus in His very natural activity was totally and utterly supernatural. Not freaky. Not weird for the sake of being weird. He just lived a life that was yielded to His Father. I want moments of “just taking a walk” that change eternity in my own life. I want to be so inclined to my Father’s voice that I can only but obey and act and do!

So I began by saying, the world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever. And again I ask what are we living for? I never want to be so caught up in this world that I get blinded to what God may be requiring of me, to either do or to give up or to step out in faith for.

I want to be known as Megan, the Woman who Walks on Water. And that is totally weird, that is totally freaky, but when I am inclining my ear to God’s… it is actually totally natural, and fully supernatural. I believe with my entire being that God’s heart is for the broken, the lost and the needy. So in my living I want to attract those. I want to draw the downcast, the disillusioned and the unsaved to a Savior who adores them and loves them and longs for them.

This world is crying out from the deepest part of their hearts for someone who SEES them and loves them completely, and I know that Jesus when He was walking along the sea that day, He SAW those men. He saw them with eyes from Heaven, through Heaven tinted glasses.  He was very casually and naturally living a supernatural life. That is my desire.

Let’s live in this world, but not be so caught up with it. Let us live free from the hinges of the enemy. Let us live this fully natural and supernatural life simultaneously. Let us “take a walk” for God, every day. 

DREAM BIG

I dream of being used beyond what’s comfortable.

I dream of seeing miracles performed through me.

I dream of people forgetting me and remembering Jesus.

I dream of going places where Jesus is not known.

I dream of seeing religion dead and grace alive.

I dream of knowing my saviour as my BEST friend.

I dream of walking on water with my eyes fixed.

I dream of being so completely sold out that NOTHING else matters.

I dream of going to nations for His name’s sake.

I dream of a life that is never mundane.

I dream of a passion that is evident in every word.

I dream of being a friend that challenges the ordinary.

I dream of preaching to 1000’s and seeing God move.

I dream of hearing God and directly obeying.

I dream of never being so caught up with this world.

I dream of making a difference.

I dream of being Jesus to the broken hearted.

I dream of seeing Him come back.

I dream of living the absolute adventure that He has planned for me.

I dream of going…being sent… and being God’s answer to the prayers of people.

How do we deal with and get through a storm?

I’m not sure that we are supposed to just “get through” a storm. I have come to realize, mostly the hard way, that storms are usually God ordained moments He desires to reveal His deity and power 

in my life.

I have been through some storms where it feels like the boat I am in would capsize. And in the end I have clung to and reached out to my saviour with more fervour and passion than in the serene moments of my life.

I was reading through Mark. And I love how Mark makes it so personal when he describes Jesus and His activities.

This incident in Mark 4 we see the disciples and Jesus in a boat going to the other side of the Sea of Galilee. Apparently, the Sea of Galilee was prone to sudden intense storms occurring and this time it was no exception. The disciples were trying to control the boat and the problems that were being caused by the storm, and then realized that they NEEDED Jesus. They didn’t even ask Him for help. They actually accused Him of not caring about them.

I have so often been in this place. When I feel like God has led me to cross a “sea” and then a storm comes up and I feel He’s “sleeping”. I feel like God left me stranded. Or He has forgotten about me. I have often called out to God in my disappointment or frustration and I have cried out to Him in those moments from the depth of myself like I never did before.

Jesus’ response to the Disciples in this scenario is amazing. He does not panic. He does not even get angry. He commands the stillness and peace to come. And He simply asks them why would they fear? And where is their faith?

He questions them, I believe, because HE IS THERE. They know Him. They have SEEN who He is. Why would they now be afraid of a storm?

How often I have gotten so afraid of the circumstances I find myself in. How often I have doubted who GOD IS in the midst of difficulties.

His other response is SO reassuring for us as believers. He says, “do you still have no faith?” I feel like Jesus was conveying the reality of the POWER of the faith He gives us. He has told his disciples so often if you have faith as small as a mustard seed you can move a mountain. And now they are faced with a storm that SEEMS to be overwhelming and they lose their faith, or forget it when they need it most.

We all face storms. I have faced some I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. And I know my storms do not even begin to compare with some people’s storms they have faced and survived! But I do know that when a storm is approaching I want my response to be unwaiveringly pointed toward my saviour. TRUSTING and KNOWING that HE has the power to calm any storm and get me through ANY difficulty! Sometimes He calms the storm and other times He calms His child.

God allows storms in our lives SO THAT we SEE and experience HIS power in our lives. We have the responsibility to SEEK Him when the storms come.

i found IT!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

This verse has become a sort of theme for me. There have been many times when God is requiring something of me that I do not understand and that is not logical, but as I TRUST in Him, He leads, directs and provides for me in every way possible.

This season is no different. It’s funny, I speak to people and in their good intentions, they seem to almost think I am “searching” for something and that is why I like to move and am willing to uproot life again! But I have to say… the reason why I do the changing and am more than willing to obey God at His word in any adventure, is because I HAVE found something. I am not still searching. I am secure in the prize that I sought after and have found.

It doesn’t make sense that a single woman would be willing to relocate and uproot and adjust her entire life for the sake of God’s call. But can I tell you, I would do nothing else! If God asks something of me… I want to be a woman who will NOT hesitate no matter the extremity of the obligation.  God is the One who makes sense of my life. He gives me purpose and reason.

As I walk this crazy journey of twists and turns I will acknowledge the amazing things that God does! I will reveal His purpose, His plan, His ways!! His word is true to me when He says “acknowledge the Lord and He WILL make your paths straight”. I want to give the glory and praise to Him for what He does in me and through me! The adventure that He takes me on actually has nothing to do with me. If I wasn’t willing to go, He would fulfil His purposes with another person. But man, I would be miserable and I would miss out on some of the most incredible and deep lessons of life.  And I am not like any other person on the face of the planet, and God longs to use ME. I would never give that privilege to another.

God in His goodness has put in me a deep desire to see His life reflected off of me. There is nothing that I want and crave in this world more than that. I want it so bad sometimes that I am willing to give up, let go of, and release anything that may dim His reflection. This process of purifying Him in my life is not easy and I definitely do not always get it right, but the core of me longs for just that. His life revealed in mine perfectly and beautifully.

So when people say “I hope you find what you are looking for” I simply smile and know that I have found HIM. He is mine and no person and no thing can ever take Him from me. He is my peace, my stability, my home and my everything. I do not look to this world to make a “home” for me. It is a sweet notion, but honestly the depth of my heart is at home wherever God takes me… as long as I have His presence with me, I am home.

He is my prize, He is my all, my home.

the indescribable LOVE... that is mine.

I will endeavor to describe a love that is beyond description and beyond human words.

Your love fights for the woman who is broken.

Your love pursues the orphan who knows nothing of a dad.

Your love comforts the man who has lost everything to a world that does not know love.

Your love speaks to the deaf girl who has never heard another sound.

Your love challenges the boy who is stuck in mediocrity.

Your love is abounding to those who feel an empty whole inside.

Your love reveals the heart of a friend to the person who has been betrayed.

Your love captivates the life that has drifted their gaze to this world.

Your love is beyond description. It is all things in every situation.

Your love is something I will never fully grasp and will forever seek after.

Your love has no conditions and is never used as a weapon of manipulation.

Your love is beauty of the purest kind.

Your love fights for the weak and stands in defence of the guilty.

Your love perseveres through the deepest rejection and pain.

Your love will never let go; it will never give up.

Your love calls one to live a life that is big and full and adventurous.

Your love covers shame and hides nakedness.

Your love is something I need.

Your love provides for every need and knows the tiniest most intimate desires.

Your love is crazy and consistent.

Your love sees the heart of a woman who has cried more tears than any woman should.

Your love hears the longings of a man who is driven to be accepted.

Your love carries a baby who has only known rejection.

Your love is supernatural.

Your love is given freely and abundantly.

Your love is mine.